Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Confidence and Faith as a Mama

Clearly I'm doing a fantastic job coming back off my blogging hiatus and scheduling posts. Good grief! :) I swear I don't intentionally not blog, but life is just whipping by lately and I'm trying to soak up all the moments I can. 
Speaking of moments. 
I've had a few moments lately where my heart was bursting with love more than usual...
One was last week. My husband was attempting to put Elizabeth to bed (and he has great success doing so - in fact, he's in charge of bedtime routines including bath time and bottle). Well, baby girl just wasn't feeling it and instantly calmed down when I asked my husband to let me see if I can get her to calm down. Well, to my surprise, she was loving the mommy time. I admit, she's 100% daddy's girl. If both of us are in the room, 99.9% of the time, she's staring at daddy. Honestly, sometimes it breaks my heart. But this night, when all she wanted was me, my heart was so warm, so full. Once she was in her groove with drinking her milk, she stared into my eyes, pulled my head towards hers and held on to me until she fell asleep. I nearly burst into tears because it was one of those moments where time just stopped. I was quickly reminded of holding a newborn in my arms, having her look up at me with those beautiful eyes, and just having complete faith in me as a mama that I knew what I was doing. 
Did I know what I was doing?
Heck no. 
But you know what. Our sweet girl has turned out perfectly. More than perfect if you ask me. So as she laid there sleeping, I closed my eyes and reminded myself that although at times I second guess myself, I do have a pretty good handle on this motherhood thing. It's a learning curve. I've said that since day 1. Never once did I say I knew what I was doing. Never once did I have full confidence that I was a good mama. Never once did I think that I had the right answers. But what I did have was the ability to simply do the best I can do. 

And you know what? 
Our sweet baby girl is perfect in our eyes. She's always happy, always smiling, just a burst of sunshine all the time. She's smart and sassy. She loves her parents.
Too many times I hear of moms second guessing themselves, seeking guidance from other mommy friends (I always turn to my mommy friends for advice and I'm so thankful I have so many who are mama's), and afraid to make decisions because they aren't sure if it's the right one. Well, in the almost 14 months I've been a mama, the majority of my decisions have been the right one. It's not that there's anything wrong with second guessing ourselves. I just think that, and I for one admit I'm this way, I rely on seeking opinions before thinking the situation through and realizing that as a mama, I do know what to do. 
Last night, our sweet girl threw up during dinner (and I mean everything in her little body came up) and had a fever. This was the first time she had ever thrown up and I wasn't sure what to do. So I texted multiple mommy friends, called the pediatrician, texted my cousin, and called my mom. 
And guess what?
Every single person gave me different advice. 
So whose advice did I take? Well, bits and pieces of everyone's because everyone I asked was either a mama or a medical professional, so I trusted what they said.
Keep her home they said. 
Send her to school they said.
Let her sleep they said. 
Check her temp they said. 
It's almost like I had gotten too much advice by the end of the evening and I went to bed with my head spinning on what to do. 
So when I woke up at 2:30 with a stirring baby girl, I got up and checked her temp. I gave her Pedialyte, and I cuddled her until she fell asleep. 
And then I put my teacher hat on real quick. I thought to myself: "How many times do I get frustrated when a child throws up and the school nurse sends them back to the classroom?". Too many to count. I then thought to myself - "Okay, so pretend Elizabeth is at school and she's eating lunch. All of a sudden she starts throwing up and all she wants is mommy". Would I be there? No. I would have been at school. Decision made. I kept her home.
Did she throw up because she's sick? Who knows.
Did she throw up because I fed her too quickly so she could get to feeding herself the veggie and fruit pouch that she saw that I failed miserably at hiding? Probably.
But as a mama, it's my first job to be there for my sweet girl.
Did I miss a day at work? Yep.
Am I behind on a ton of work? Yep.
Did I have to reschedule my observation for this Thursday because now I wouldn't be ready? Sigh, yes. 
But staying at home with Elizabeth today was worth it.
She woke up this afternoon mid-nap crying. Crying hysterically. Crying so hard she was almost having a difficult time breathing. I held her in my arms. I whispered in her ear how much I love her. How much dada loves her. And that mama is here for her. As she fell asleep, I breathed a sigh of relief that I made the right decision to keep her home. 
So mama's out there who are second guessing yourselves: 
Have confidence.
 Have faith.
 Know that what you're doing is the right thing for your sweet baby. Your toddler. Your child.
Know that you have everything you need to be the best mama in the world. God wouldn't have made you a mama if he didn't think you could handle it. 
I know that this is easier said than done, especially in a moment when all you want is clarity and advice from other mama's. Mama's who you know are great. Mama's who you know do a beautiful job raising their baby. Mama's who you always turn to. 
Just remember that you too are a mama. And that you're just as good a mama as they are! :)
And to my mama friends out there - THANK YOU for being the #1 voices I turn to. I can't say how thankful I am to have so many mama friends who have nailed this mama thing. 
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Sunday, October 4, 2015

Update on Life Lately

Well hello there! 
Talk about a blogging hiatus - my last post was back on August 10th! I never intended to stop blogging for almost two months but when life happens and things get crazy, the priority of blogging just went out the window!
Life lately has been everything but calm, cool, and normal. Without me getting into writing the world's longest post on where I've been the past two months, let me give you a cliffnotes' version of it! 
Early August is when I returned back to work after a glorious two months of summer vacation. Prior to starting pre-planning, I had my 6-mo check up at the dermatologist and I ended up having two moles removed and biopsied. One came back completely normal but the other one, which just so happened to be on the bottom of my toe, came back precancerous. Let me tell you - having one on the bottom of your toe removed is painful. It sucks. And then to find out it's precancerous and more has to be removed. Plus it ended up almost infected, so I was driving back and forth to the dermatologist and wobbling around trying to keep the pressure off of my toe. After about 5 weeks, everything healed and I will be having more tissue removed in April.
April you say? Why such a long wait? 
Well, in-between dermatologist appointments, faculty meetings, and setting up my office/classroom, I learned that my husband and I are expecting our second baby! This baby was completely planned, but we were rather shocked with how quickly it happened. It took us seven months to conceive our daughter Elizabeth, so when we decided to being trying for a second, we figured it would take at least a few months. Nope! :) I think God knew how much we wanted a second baby right away, so we were very excited to find out we were expecting! We had a few hiccups early along - my HcG levels were really low, so I was actually sent to the hospital because my doctor thought I might be having a miscarriage, but after determining that I ovulated much later in my cycle and going through multiple rounds of repeat HcG panels, it was confirmed that we are indeed pregnant! 
We are due April 11th and I'm so excited for a spring baby! Plus this means that I won't be pregnant during the hot summer like I was last time! We had our 12-week checkup this past Friday and everything looks great! I was hoping for a cute ultrasound photo but baby bunny (baby #2's nickname) is actually laying on his or her tummy, so the picture looks quite odd! But, from what I read, it's perfectly normal for baby to be in this position since they have so much space to move around. We heard baby's heartbeat, which at the time was 148 and he or she even had the hiccups! My next OB appointment is October 26th, which will just be a routine appointment. My anatomy scan will be in November but we won't be finding out the gender - we want to be surprised! 
Oh yes, and in-between that exciting news, our daughter Elizabeth celebrated her first birthday! 
 Talk about an exciting, hectic, and wild couple of months! 
I'll be back sometime this week with a post about her birthday and will be sharing some of her first birthday photoshoot, but I wanted to just share with you all why I've been absent from the blogging world! 
It's actually 2am right now and I'm up with a horrible case of heartburn and we don't have anything in the house for me to take. Whoops. So basically I'm just sitting at the computer because when I lay down, I'm pretty sure I'm dying. I'll eventually do a first-trimester recap, but wow guys - no two pregnancies are the same. I barely felt pregnant with Elizabeth until almost the middle of the second trimester and with this sweet baby, I've had every pregnancy symptom and then some! Maybe baby bunny is a boy!?!?! Who knows! :) All I know is, we are very excited! 
Enjoy your Sunday and I'll be back soon with another update! 
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