Thursday, April 16, 2015

Working Mama Thoughts

In what seems like a broken record, it’s been a rough week. There’s so much going on in my life right now that I could probably write a book about it. It just seems in every aspect of my life, there is drama. Unwanted drama. Drama that I did not ask for. Drama that has just been what I like to think of as “throat punching” me at all hours of the day. Add in the fact that I’m missing Elizabeth more and more each day and I’m just a bubble ready to burst at any given moment. There were a few times this week when I just busted into tears. I'm telling you my friends, the struggle is real.

I do try to see the positive in things because so many more people have much bigger issues, so I get it. I do. I promise I do.

I also get that I should just have faith in God and relax. Trust me, I pray. I pray HARD all the time. But sometimes prayers just aren’t enough. Sometimes you have the right to complain and ask WHY me. 

Like why can’t I be a stay-at-home mom?

There are times that I wake up in the morning and I literally look at my husband and say “can’t I just stay home with Elizabeth?”. I seem to be having a lot of those days lately. It’s funny how everyone said that having a baby in daycare when you’re a working mama gets easier. No it doesn’t. You are all liars! Now that she is sleeping when I leave in the morning, it’s actually getting harder to deal with missing her, knowing that I don’t get to hear her giggle first thing in the morning while in her crib and being able to give her the first snuggles of the day. (Today is exceptionally hard since I didn’t get to see her at all since it’s conference night. When I left this morning she was sleeping and when I got home, she was already in dreamland). 

The majority of my mama friends are working moms. Yes, all moms work. I know. I’m not trying to stir up that debate. But until you’re a working-full-time-out-of-the-house mama, it is hard to envision what it's like. Just as I’m not able to relate to being a full-time-stay-at-home mama. In the brief time I was home with her, I was busy the entire day – changing diapers, feeding the baby, washing bottles, attempting to put baby down for nap, etc. So I do know it is a mega full-time job. And it’s exhausting. It’s just different.

But being a working-full-time-out-of-the-house mama is HARD.

Yes, it’s awesome to have the interaction with other adults.

Yes, it pure bliss when you’re able to stop at the grocery store or make a Target run after work before heading to daycare.

Yes, it’s even awesome getting into a quiet car in the morning and just having that time to have to yourself.

But in those 9.5-ish hours that you’re away from your baby, it’s nearly impossible to NOT be thinking about them. 

It’s the little moments that I miss terribly while I’m at work – the giggles, the smiles, and the memories that I’m not able to make. It’s missing the feedings that prevent from having those bonding moments. It’s even the stinky poopy diapees that I’m not able to change. Heck, it’s even the no-napping meltdowns that I miss.

I know in the grant scheme of things, I have to work. I’m doing it so I’m able to support our family and ensure that we’re able to afford the things we need to raise our family. 

But it’s hard.

Not only are working mommies responsible for working 40+ hours during the week, but once the baby is picked up from daycare, it’s typically nonstop until baby goes to bed – bottles have to be cleaned, clothes have to be washed, diaper bag has to be unpacked and then repacked, playtime, dinner time, bath time, bedtime routine, and then the best part – nighttime snuggles. With being a working mama, there's no "mama" time during naps, well because, we're at work! And I don't mean that stay-at-home-mamas slack off during this time - but when I'm home and in the rare occasion that she does nap, I at least have 30-60 minutes to eat a meal, drink a cup of coffee, or read a few blogs! No such luck while you're at work! :)

My thoughts?

I can’t wait for it to be mommy-baby time 24/7. 

I’m longing for summer vacation.
I’m longing for lazy mornings where I barely get to sip my coffee because Elizabeth has all of my attention.
I’m longing for afternoons where we spend hours playing in the playroom, giggling and making silly faces. 
I'm longing for trips to Gymboree or My Gym so JB can play and explore.
I'm longing for story time at the local library in the morning.
I'm longing for pajama days and days where I spend time cooking up some homemade baby food while trying to get her down for a nap.
I'm longing to spend my entire day with her.

Being a working mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. Finding the balance between my career and my job as mommy is tough. It’s not that I don’t absolutely love my job. I do. I just feel awful for missing these moments with JB. These are moments that I won’t ever, ever get back. These are the moments that stay-at-home mamas are able to have and are able to enjoy all day, every day.

So to all of you mama’s out there who are stay-at-home mamas – soak up every moment you have. Enjoy the ability to be home with your baby(babies). It’s a luxury that I’m sure every working mama wishes she could have. You have the best of both worlds - you get to be a mama and you get to be home with your baby all day long.

I know that come June 7th, I’m going to be ecstatic because I too, will get to be a stay-at-home mommy for two months.
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6 comments

  1. I can understand your feelings. I am on the other side of it though… I choose to work even though I could stay home. I love my little guy but I need to work because staying home just wasn't my thing even though I thought I would love it. After a couple of months home I decided I needed to make a change. I wasn't happy. It is hard sometimes though like yesterday when I missed his first steps but I have to remind myself that I am a better mom to him because I am happy working.

    I hope things do get easier for you. It is hard focusing on work when you really want to be home. I still have days like that.

    XOXO,
    Summer Ann
    Simply Summer Ann Blog

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    1. I see where you're coming from Summer Ann. I'm lucky - I get to have the best of both worlds since I'm a teacher and I have summers off. I've been scheming up a way for me to work from home. I've come up with nothing so far! LOL! :) Thanks for the comment!

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  2. This was me with my first daughter- so incredibly hard. I feel for you! After having a miscarriage and then having baby #2 last July, I made the switch to temporary SAHM and it has been wonderful; hard sometimes I won't lie because I was used to working full time and being mom so I had to switch my mind set. But I have delighted in being home with both my daughters and the year has flown by! Youre doing what youve got to do for you family, you go Mama! And only 6 more weeks until you get to be home again, yay!
    Whitney

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  3. {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252
    {\fonttbl\f0\fnil\fcharset0 ArialMT;}
    {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red34\green34\blue34;\red255\green255\blue255;}
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    \f0\fs26 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
    \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 It is so hard, I've been so lucky to have a long mat leave with my babe but it's just about over and I don't want to go back!!! I'm scared, life is so much easier now (and by no means is it easy lol) but I can't imagine how I'm going to balance when I throw working all day in there too. \
    Hang in there momma. Everything will work out, you are doing the best for your family and your daughter will always remember that. :)}

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  4. Oh honey, I just want to give you a hug. I'm probably one of those working moms who told you it gets easier...because for me, it did. I'm nearly 2.5 years into working motherhood. I know I should think of her during the day... but I don't really - I'm too busy working! It makes the time I do have with her so much sweeter. You'll get through it, promise. <3

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