Thursday, April 30, 2015

Mommy vs Mommy

Being a mom is the best job in the world. It's one where there is complete joy, love, exitement, and chaos all at once. Whether you're a brand new mom who is up right now in the middle of the night because your newborn won't go back to sleep, you are a mom of a toddler whose meltdowns today just completely wore you out, or you're a mommy-to-be reading up on mommy blogs about the wonderful things that come along with being a mama.

Being a mom is the best job. But it's one of the jobs where you will get criticized for everything you do. Every decision you make. Every photograph you take. Every social media post. Every text message. Every phone call. It's something that mama's say they try not to do. It's something that you shake your head at and say "I wouldn't never". 

But you know what? It happens.

Posting a pic of yourself eating a donut while you're seven-months pregnant? You bet there's a follower on your Instagram account that is shaking their head saying "I would never eat that if I was pregnant. That's a bad idea".

Discussing with a fellow mommy friend that you're giving up on breastfeeding because it's too hard? They may say they understand and that it's okay. But inside, they are thinking "Breast is best. She's giving up too soon. She doesn't want to work through it".

Asking your fellow mommy friend which milestones their baby has met? And then when you realize your baby has hit more milestones, you throw yourself and your baby up on a pedestal, thinking to yourself that you're so much better.  

Planning your baby's first birthday party? Don't even get me started on this one. Mama's just take this one to the extreme with trying to out-do each other. Their party has to be bigger, better, have more guests, more presents, more style. 

Why though?
Why are we constantly in a mommy vs mommy match with each other? 

You can shake your head now and say "I don't ever do that", but be honest. You know at some point, you have judged another mama for some decision that they made that you don't necessarily agree with. 

For what reason though?

I admit. I'm guilty of it for sure. It was never intentionally done. It was never done out of malice. It's just part of human nature to compare ourselves and our children to each other.

Social media has made "mommy shaming" so much easier. All it takes is one screen shot sent from a friends Instagram account to another friend on Facebook messenger, gossiping about something that another mother has done. I've seen it countless times. Sitting behind a laptop, tablet, and cellphone makes us think that we are invisible. But anything you've posted on social media is out there for everyone in the world to read. For everyone in the world to judge.

But why are we judging each other? 

Think back to when you were little. Do you really think your mom and your best friends mom ever sat there trying to out-do each other? Trying to plan the bigger, better party? Buying the best stroller? Buying the most expensive swing? Saying how much better it is to make their own baby food rather than store bought?

I doubt it.

That's because we are up to our elbows in this mommy vs mommy war and it has to stop.

There's no reason to judge another mom based on her decision to stop breastfeeding.

There's no reason to point out a mother's mistake if they post a picture of their child having a temper tantrum.

There's no reason to have this competition between each other over every little thing that your baby (or children) does. 

As a mother, we have the toughest job in the world. We surely don't need for there to be this competition between each other as we are raising our children. Sure, we can say it was "never our intent" to say something cruel. To post something inappropriate. To judge another mommy. But it happens. It happens to ALL of us. We've all been on both ends of this.

So join me in making a #mommitment to stop this mommy vs mommy war.

Rather than knock each other down by making judgments, let's raise each other up. Let's praise each other for being awesome moms. Let's share stories about how our baby was really fussy. Let's not pretend that we have a perfect baby who never cries, is never fussy, and is the best baby ever. Let's share stories of how our baby wouldn't nap or had an explosive mess in their diapee. 

But let's also share stories of how awesome it is when our baby has slept through the night. Or when they took more than a 20 minute nap. Or even when they've taken their first step. 

Let's share our mommy stories without the fear of being judged. Without being shamed. Without worry that they've done something wrong if they've had a bad day as a mommy.

Let's work together to raise a generation of children who won't find it necessary to judge each other. Who won't criticize their friend's every move. Who won't lash out on social media. Who won't compare themselves to each other.

Everyone is different. 

Every mom is different. Every baby is different. No two babies or two mama's can be compared.

Let's make this #mommitment to come together. To be compassionate. To be supportive. 

I urge you to head on over to http://mommitment.org/ for more information on this movement to stop this mommy shaming by being committed to being a supportive mama.



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12 comments

  1. This is the best post! Joining the movement!

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  2. Thank you! It's the truth! Less mama-shaming will do us all good!!!!

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  3. Such a thoughtful post. And I believe we all are guilty of it at some point during our parenting phase. When I contemplate on this, I always end up with the conclusion that we all need to grow up and support each other. We all are different and unique and so are our kids. It makes no sense to compare. Life is beautiful when it is lived to its fullest and we all have different approach to that. Totally supporting #mommitment

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  4. I love that you wrote this- I couldn't agree more. Women in general (though especially moms) are so completely competitive and it's such a shame. WE should really be more supportive of each each other even if it isn't 100% in line with how we do things. Live and let live!

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  5. I totally agree! It's just too darn hard to be a mommy. We all need to support one another!

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  6. I totally agree with you here!! It's hard enough being a mom without being judged all of the time!!

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  7. I love this! I am a new mom, and my own philosophy has already changed numerous times in my 10 months as a mom!

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  8. Such a great post and yes the mommy shaming does need to end. I'm heading over now!

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